What I Can't Say
by wordflows
Summary: Multichapter. Someone thinks about Lizzie.
1. Gordo

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Disclaimer: This was originally meant to be a one-shot. But since I received so many reviews, I decided to make it a three-chapter story. ^, ^; Thank you for all the reviews! I've never gotten quite so many. I've always been a G/L fan, even though I barely ever have the chance to watch the show anymore. This is set near the beginning of the show. I hope it's not too horrible. Anyways, I own no copyrighted items. ~.^ ~~Forever3330~~ ^.~

What I Can't Say~~A Lizzie McGuire fanfiction

By Forever3330

Chapter One: Gordo

I don't know why it's so hard. I'm usually so confident. I can usually say what I want to say. What I need to say. But for some reason beyond me I can't say it whenever I'm around you. I can't force the stupid words out of my mouth.

Maybe it's because I'm afraid; afraid of being rejected, of you hating me. Of not being able to even be your friend anymore, not being able to have at least that, the smiles and memories and laughter. Even if it's not what I really want. At least I'm close to you. Able to see you everyday.

But you don't see me. Well, you do. You just don't look close enough to see ME. The me that can't say what I want to say, the me that's jealous when others can say what I want to…the me that hurts, in a way I never really thought possible. You sort of take for granted our friendship, take for granted that that's all I am and all I want: to be your friend.

And for the most part I'm okay…Sort of. I'm near you, and I can see the smile that made my heart tangle itself up into this knot, and made me feel emotions I never really had felt. And I can see your happiness. That's all I want you to be, even if it hurts me; happy. Even if you rejected me, I would still want you to be happy. I would still feel this way. I don't think I can go back. Because the day you first smiled at me was the day my destiny was made.

But I hate it when you're sad. And you seem to be sad or troubled now, more and more often. Mostly because of him. He doesn't seem to notice that you've given your heart to him. He doesn't seem to know that he holds the most precious gift of all. And so he's slowly twisting it, hurting it, unknowingly. Not like he notices much to begin with.

Yet I would trade places with him in a second; even if it meant I was as much of an idiot as him. Only as long as I retained enough intelligence to accept the gift you've given him. Maybe if he were smarter he would accept it. He can't be smart if he doesn't eventually see your heart. But I'm sure he will. He can't possibly have so little a brain that he'll never see it. I think.

So I'll wait here, one foot on the sidelines, and one foot in play. I don't think I'll ever be the player I want to be in this game. But I'll be okay. Or I'll try to give the appearance of being okay. As long as I can see you smile.

"Hey!" You're by your locker, waving, smiling, snapping me out of my thoughts. And narrowly saving me from tripping over a trashcan. Miranda stands beside you, and waves slightly. "Gordo!"

And of course, I'll go over to stand by you, and talk about things that kids our age worry about. Well, girls our age. Sometimes it's a bad thing to be the only boy in our trio. But I enjoy myself all the same, laughing and smiling and joking with my best friend and the girl I can't confess to. Because I love you, Lizzie McGuire.

END

^,^; That wasn't TOO horrid, was it? Please review! And don't kill me!


	2. Lizzie

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Disclaimer: Okay, here's the second chapter. Thanks for all the reviews and support! ^,^ It makes me actually continue things. ^,^; Anyways, I don't own any copyrighted items that I don't own. That made very little sense, but I think I'll leave it that way. ~.^ ~~Forever3330~~ ^.~

What I Can't Say~~A Lizzie McGuire fanfiction

By Forever3330

Chapter Two: Lizzie

Life can be strange at times. It twists around and does things you never thought it would. I guess it doesn't matter, though. There's nothing much I can do about it. I never really thought that I'd end up alive in Middle School, with two best friends who I trust completely.

That's another thing, though. I trust people a little too easily. Unless it's my brother we're talking about. It's best not to trust him. He always has really wacky plans, usually made to annoy/hurt/embarrass me. I love him, sure…but that doesn't mean we aren't at eachother's throats most of the time.

But I know I can trust Gordo and Miranda. Even if we do fight sometimes. They wouldn't hurt me on purpose.

Miranda's the wild one, I suppose. I wish I could be a little more like her. She ALWAYS says what she wants to, no matter what. She's just so confident. And she definitely walks her own road. Her fashion taste is quite a bit different then mine, although she's trying to get me to be less of the 'good girl' in that way. I think she knows something I don't about me, though. Kinda weird. She's fun to be around, even if we do tend to get into troublesome situations.

My other best friend, Gordo, is cool. He's REALLY smart, and REALLY confident. He helps me with homework, though, so I don't wish I was as smart as him. It's a lot more fun just to drag him over to my house and ask him to explain stuff to me. When he explains it I actually understand it! Gordo should definitely consider a teaching career. I envy him that he can say whatever he wants to and stick with it no matter what. I envy both of them that, actually. But Gordo seems to never have any problems saying whatever it is he wants to say. Except, I think he wants to tell me something half of the time. Sometimes he'll stutter and try to get something out. It's REALLY weird. I hope he knows he can tell me anything. If he's worried or has some type of problem, he can always come to me. I bet he has deeper thoughts then me, anyways.

He also has really cute eyes.

Wait a second. Should I really be thinking about Gordo's eyes? Shouldn't that be 'Ethan has really cute eyes'? But Ethan WOULD be a lot cuter if he had Gordo's eyes. And maybe some of Gordo's intelligence. I'm guessing Ethan wouldn't notice my feelings if I asked him to marry me. Just a guess.

But if I like Ethan, shouldn't I like him just the way he is? And why the heck am I thinking about Gordo's eyes?

Because they're cute? They draw me in…

Ack! Ethan! Ethan! Ethan! Ethan! Ethdo! Gordo!

GAH! Why is my mind turning against me?! Hello! I rule here! My mind! Ethan! Ethan! Gordo!

"ETHAN!"

Miranda turns to me, giving me her 'you're getting insane and scaring me' look. "Lizzie? Are you okay?"

At least I didn't shout TOO loudly. "Um, yeah! Just great! Perfect!" Cue nervous laughter. Note to self: keep wars with brain to minimum noise level.

Still, Gordo's eyes ARE cute. They have that strange power to draw me in. It's like I'm the only person alive, when he looks at me. I like that look. Sometimes it feels as if I need it. Like we're the only two people alive…

"Lizzie! Earth to Lizzie!" Miranda waves her hand in front of my face, and I blink, then focus my eyes on her. I blush slightly. I really should not be thinking about Gordo like that. "Are you okay? You keep zoning out! Do you have a fever or something?" She puts a hand to my forehead, and I shake it away. 

"No…I'm fine." She looks doubtful. "Seriously! I'm just a little sleepy, is all." Dang. I thought about Gordo's eyes again. Why me?

Sometimes being around Gordo can make me feel strange. Happy. Dizzy. Blushing. Gah! I shouldn't feel that way around my best friend, should I? Should I?

"Miranda?" We're at our lockers now. Leaning against them, waiting for Gordo.

"Hmm?"

"How do you know if you're in love?" I want to slap myself. That was one of the stupidest question I have ever asked. Ever.

"Lizzie, seriously, are you okay?" She looks worried. Oh…I don't want her to be worried. I HATE worrying people. I almost want to tell her about all of this confusion, but I stop it all from coming out and force myself to nod.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking about G—How great Ethan is!" Cue neon-red blush, courtesy of the McGuire studios.

"If you know you love him, why ask me?" Something catches her attention, and she waves. "Gordo! Watch it! You're gonna trip!"

Gordo wasn't paying attention, head down, his thoughtful/sad/worrying look on his face. If he didn't pay attention soon he was going to trip over that garbage can.

I feel bouncy all of the sudden. I really wish I could understand my feelings sometimes. I can feel myself smiling. I wave, any traces of sleepiness or worry gone. "Hey! Gordo!"

He snaps his head, up, swerving just in time to avoid the garbage can, then smiles. The smile is strange, I think. Pained and happy and sad and subdued. And then it's just a normal Gordo-smile. It must have been my imagination. "Lizzie! Miranda!" It's that look again, for a few moments, making me the only person alive…and then he glances at Miranda, runs up, and says something to her, to which she replies.

Can it possibly be that…Gordo likes me? For a moment I actually consider this insane possibility.

Then I shake my head. Gordo is my best friend, as I am his. That's all we are. If he liked anyone, it surely wouldn't be me. Right?

I feel Miranda's stare upon me for a moment, then I have to wonder.

Why can't I understand myself?

END

^,^ Please read the next chapter. Lizzie was less deep then Gordo, but that's because she doesn't really understand her feelings or others feelings as well as him. She's a bit too naïve in my point of view. I hope it wasn't too OOC. Anyways, I hope you all read and review. The next chapter will be the last. I don't always necessarily have a definite ending. Because there isn't always a definite ending. Please don't be too horribly mad at this. But sometimes things don't always have a conclusion. They just have hope and pain and fear and not knowing. But that is that.


	3. Miranda

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Disclaimer: Here's the last chapter. I know Lizzie sounded less deep then Gordo, but she was supposed to. Gordo's really smart and deep. Lizzie's smart, but she can't understand her own feelings, and chooses to ignore them and just believe in what is easier to understand. Miranda may seem in-between, because she is able to observe both Lizzie and Gordo, and she can understand her own feelings. I don't own any copyrighted items! ~.^ ~~Forever3330~~ ^.~

What I Can't Say~~A Lizzie McGuire fanfiction

By Forever3330

Chapter Three: Miranda

It's hard to imagine how people see me. I can't really see what's going on inside of their heads, can't decode the friendly smiles and waves. You never really know whether or not they actually MEAN the smiles and the waves and the words. So many people just pretend, just act. So many people don't want to be 'rude' or 'mean'. Of course, Kate Sanders has no problem being just that.

But she isn't really all that mean, although this is something I'll never admit. Somewhere inside of her she is still the girl we used to know, the one we were friends with. She wears so many masks in an attempt to be cool and popular. I don't hate her so much as I act like I do, although we don't get along. I pity her.

I know quite a few people who hide themselves, slightly. Gordo does, I think. He always gives Lizzie this strange look, affectionate, and his utter attention. I get a 'best friend' look. It makes you think, when she's supposed to be his best friend too.

Lizzie is one of the people who doesn't notice this. I don't really blame her. She's naïve in a way, innocent, trusting, and honest. I don't think she really understands what Gordo feels yet, or what she herself feels. I'm not quite sure yet whether or not she feels the same towards him. It's hard to tell when she manages to mix herself up as well as others. While this can make for some amusing scenarios, I want them both to be happy. They're my friends. I care about them. And sometimes her strange ability to confuse hurts her and a few others. I know Gordo's in pain, although he could at least try to tell her.

Okay, that's a little mean of me. I know he tries when I'm not there. Like I said, Lizzie is very naïve, She usually comes to me or Gordo when she doesn't understand something. She comes to me when she doesn't understand Gordo. Therefore, I am informed to the T about every single attempt Gordo has made. Of course, Lizzie can't quite understand what it is Gordo is trying to do or say. And I pretend I don't know either, not explaining it to her.

Gordo should be the one to tell her, if he ever does. I won't get in the middle. It's his choice.

Still, I do wish I could help him in even the smallest way. I don't like to see my friends sad. It hurts me.

"ETHAN!" Lizzie, who up till now has been walking quietly, has a strange look on her face. Apparently she's fighting with herself. Over what, I won't even hazard a guess. At least she hadn't been TOO loud. I know this only because we get very few stares from our fellow students.

I turn to her, then give her a look. "Lizzie? Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah! Just great! Perfect!" Her nervous laughter suggests exactly the opposite. She truly is bad at telling a lie.

Her eyes glaze over, and she looks calm, peaceful. Happy.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I wait for a few seconds, then sigh in annoyance as she doesn't answer. She's still off in lala land.

I begin to wave my hand in front of her face. "Lizzie! Earth to Lizzie!" She snaps back, a 'huh?' look on her face. Her eyes focus on me at last, though she still looks confused, blushing slightly. "Are you okay? You keep zoning out! Do you have a fever or something?" I put my hand to her forehead, but she shakes it off. Apparently the flush has nothing to do with a fever.

"No…I'm fine." Yeah right. More proof that you can't lie about anything. She's sees my look. "Seriously! I'm just a little sleepy, is all."

She DOES look tired, but that's normal this early in the morning. I doubt that her being so out of it has anything to do with that, but I make myself look as if I believed her. If she wanted to tell me, she would.

We finally reach our lockers, and lean against them. Gordo is late, for him. "Miranda?" Lizzie's voice is confused, and it's almost as if she doesn't notice she's speaking.

"Hmm?" I'm starting to get worried about her.

"How do you know if you're in love?" I fully face her at that question, staring. Where had that come from? Is that what was bothering her? Ethan problems? Although those were common, I doubted they were the cause of all this.

"Lizzie, seriously, are you okay?" I feel worry rising. She looks as if she's about to say something, then stops. A forced nod comes next.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking about G—How great Ethan is!" She blushes a neon-red color, nervous. I let her think I hadn't noticed the mistake. Perhaps she was catching on?

"If you know you love him, why ask me?" I see Gordo from the corner of my eye and turn towards him, waving. He's going to trip over a garbage can soon. He has his head down and is clearly thinking about something. "Gordo! Watch it! You're gonna trip!"

I feel a rush of energy coming from Lizzie's direction. That's a weird thing about her. When she's happy you can FEEL it. "Hey! Gordo!" She's waving, smiling.

Gordo's head snaps up, and I feel slight amusement. He must have been thinking about Lizzie, if she was the only one who could snap him out of it. Still, he really should pay more attention to where he was going. "Lizzie! Miranda!" His gaze is locked on Lizzie, as he gives her the look only I seem to understand. Then he glances at me, and runs up to us. "Why didn't you warn me about the trashcan, Miranda? It seems neither of you cares enough about me to even save me from garbage." Normal Gordo theatrics.

"I did, Mr. Over-Reactions. But it seems only the Princess can wake the Prince from his sleep-walking." I watch him blush, glaring at me, then glancing to see if Lizzie heard. I look over at her too, as Gordo senses he's safe and continues to talk.

And I find myself staring. Her eyes have a strange light in them. Understanding. She hadn't heard our exchange, but Gordo's gaze had done something to her. Understanding. She understood, for a few seconds. And then it was gone. She hadn't been able to believe in it. It was gone. She no longer had the precious gift of understanding. Everything was as it had been before.

And I have to wonder what would have happened if it had stayed. But I beat back the thoughts. Lizzie couldn't understand. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And I could not sit her down and explain it to her. Because it wasn't my place.

And so I'll stand here, in this game of life, watching her chase something she doesn't want, watching her hand her heart to the person who doesn't deserve it, and watching him hurt her. And watching Gordo half in and half out, a friend and a love who might never be discovered.

And I'll cry for things that might have been, and may someday, someday, be.

END

O.o; That came out better then I expected. Please read and review, and perhaps send in requests for a fanfic. I need a mission. Until next time! 'What I Can't Say' is now officially over, but I hope you grace my other unworthy fanfics with your reviews! 


	4. Author's Note

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Disclaimer: I own no copyrighted items. ~.^ ~~Forever3330~~ ^.~

Author's Note

From Forever3330

To all readers,

Thank you for reading and reviewing 'What I Can't Say'. It was originally meant to be a one-shot, but I decided, after getting many reviewers who wanted more, to make it a three-chapter story, one chapter from Gordo, one from Lizzie, and one from Miranda. I really did not expect so many people to enjoy the story so much. Many commented that I had a different style of writing compared to other fanfiction writers in this section, but to tell the truth, I wouldn't know. 

I've never really read any of them. ^,^; I tend to sift through the Anime and Games section. I just sat down, watched a new episode, and decided I wanted to write a fanfic for the show. I have watched it before, but I wasn't really one to write fanfics back then. I'm very glad most thought I was good, though.

Someone wanted to know if this was the end of this particular fanfic. Yes, it is. Mostly because this was meant to be simply a small window into their worlds, only open long enough for little more then a glimpse. Perhaps this is because you never really have a clear ending on things; therefore, I gave my fanfic a sense of ending, but no real definite 'they got married and lived happily ever after' sense. ^,^

As for Miranda portraying Lizzie as an airhead: she didn't. She just saw Lizzie as being innocent and naïve, and not really being able to see what she herself saw. She still trusts her friend and relies on her, but simply knows that Lizzie is more the type who's honest and innocent. If it seemed like she thought Lizzie was an airhead, I screwed up. If I screwed up, I shrug my shoulders and say 'Oh well. I'll try harder next time. Seriously. I mean it.'

If you want me to write more in this section, simply ask. I tend to stick to the anime section, but I'm open to new sections. Leave requests, if you like. I like all sorts of couplings, and enjoy doing all types of fics. I like doing request fics anyways, though I've only done one so far, as I've only been asked by one person.

See you next time!

Yours,

Forever3330

P.S.

I hope that made sense.


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